Where Her Softness Lies
by GX
Summary: Shinji has changed, but only a little. It was a small change, one that could only be seen by someone that knew him well. It was something that would bring about even greater changes in the people around him.


I do not own Evangelion or it's characters, this is a work of fan fiction as I'm sure you know by now.  
  
Where her softness lies  
  
The steaming waters casual dripped to a finish, in the steam a feminine figure wiped the moisture from her body, the signs of maturity could be seen even though the steams clouded all vision. Soft curves, long flowing hair and the scents of shampoo and conditioner assaulted the senses.  
  
She hummed to herself in a soft voice, a song she had heard a long time ago. As she sung she dried her cooling body, wrapping her long hair in a towel. When that was done she took to brushing her teeth. It was a ritual, one she initiated every morning before breakfast. When her work in the bathroom was over, she wrapped her towel around her body, certain to not give a waking pervert any cheap thrills.  
  
"Good morning Asuka," a familiar voice spoke. She did not feel like any conversation while she was getting out of the shower, feigning tired she yawned and walk passed him wordlessly. He would not say anything else, the little pervert didn't have the backbone.  
  
When she was alone in her room, with the door locked, she removed the towels from her hair and body, there was no reason to cover them while she was alone. Looking on her bed she saw her uniform, pressed the night before by someone else. Today was going to be a day like any other. She had a test on Classical Japanese and one on physics, the physics test would probably be a cinch, but the Classical Japanese was a lost cause.  
  
It couldn't be helped, she had more important things to do than study when she already had a Bachelor's Degree. She had the very fate of humanity riding on her shoulders. This was why they would have to leave school early that day.  
  
Dr. Akagi had scheduled an over night test for the pilots and another cross synchronization for everyone's two favorites. At least she would get the next day off, but with the tests that were scheduled she would probably sleep the whole day.  
  
"It's not fair anyway," she said as she dressed herself, "we should have Saturdays off, it's bad enough I have to go to school and for so long." She often complained like that, about things she could not control or things she could not change. She knew the situation very well.  
  
"Again?" She questioned as she ran her hands through her damp hair. One could not tell by looking at it but she could feel it. The ends were brittle, the hair itself was dry and sometimes it seemed a different color. Her hair was her vice, no matter what she did to it she could not get it how she wanted it to be. She tried every hair product, every moisturizer, but to no avail.  
  
"Stupid LCL," she said as she rung out her hair, more vigorously this time. She had reasoned that it was the cause of her hair problems and as such tried every way she could think of short of not piloting Eva. The tests tomorrow would not help her much either, since she would be engulfed in the stuff for almost eighteen hours. "Can't be helped I guess," sighing resigned to her fate.  
  
As she opened the sliding door from her room she was assaulted by the smell of breakfast, something she enjoyed every morning. Even if he was a horrible pervert, who snuck a peek at her at every possible opportunity and a spineless wimp with no redeeming qualities what so ever, he sure could cook.  
  
"Smells like," she closed her eyes and imagined what he was cooking, "Belgian waffles and sausages." Somehow, just like that her hair induced mood changed. She had mentioned to him the other day that she had wanted to eat waffles, but did he even know how to make them?  
  
"Good morning Asuka," the voice said again, this time more distant. As she entered the kitchen she saw him staring down the sausage that was still on the pan.  
  
"Good morning Shinji," looking around Asuka saw Shinji scrutinizing the food he just cooked. "That wasn't there before," she whispered, barely audible. There next to Shinji was a waffle iron, something that in truth wasn't there the day before.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," Shinji said as he quickly put some of the finished waffles and sausage on a plate for her, "I guess I got a bit distracted." As the plate was laid before her Asuka felt almost giddy, she had not smelled waffles this good since she had left Germany. Asuka being Asuka however did her best to hide her emotions and did it very well.  
  
"This would be better with blueberries you know." Shinji had admittedly little experience with foreign foods and thus probably little confidence in it, he probably did not even think of something like that, but some part of Asuka's mind not only new that, it took pleasure in it.  
  
"Actually," was Shinji smiling? Yes he was, even as he scratched the back of his head he was smiling, "I thought that you might want something like that, but I wasn't sure if you wanted blueberries or strawberries," he jerked his thumb to something back on the counter where he was cooking, "so I got them both."  
  
She didn't want to, but she couldn't help it. If Shinji was confident in only one thing his whole life, if he believed in only one thing, it was his cooking. Asuka knew that, and because of that, despite herself, she smiled at him.  
  
"Well I need to get back to something," Shinji stuttered losing all confidence, "sorry." Before Asuka could say anything else the boy turned around. The little pervert probably got a rise out of it and was trying to hide that. At least that's what she thought.  
  
Asuka started to eat the food that seemed to taunt her for so long, first by seeming so out of reach in Japan, then right in front of her face. It was every bit as good as she had hoped, Shinji had really out done himself. As she ate, Asuka looked at his back and remembered his face. Shinji wasn't a very out standing boy, in fact he wasn't very anything, except maybe average. His brown hair and tan skin were no different from any average person in this post Second Impact city, his height was average and his build was somewhat frail. The only this outstanding about him were his blue eyes, then only if you caught them at the right time. Yes there was nothing attractive about Shinji Ikari. That she confirmed.

* * *

Somehow despite the elaborate breakfast that he prepared and the lunches he made, Shinji still left the apartment before Asuka. He had a lot to do before the sync tests that day and not much time to do it in. Besides, she was enjoying her breakfast and he felt it wrong to bother her with something as trivial as going to school with him, she would make it in time anyway. He felt a little guilty about it though, she might have actually wanted to walk with him that morning.  
  
"Yeah right," he quietly spoke to himself as he ran the distance to his Middle School. More than likely she would have shrugged him off and gone to school like she always did. It wasn't like they talked on the way there anyway and his mere presence could not been that much of a comfort, at least that was the way he felt about it.

* * *

Always the same. The same sky, the same view, the same window. Always like before she heard the same lecture, Second Impact and it's effects around the globe. It was amazing how the class had passed any tests with the homeroom teacher spouting off the same pointless drivel, nothing more than propaganda fed to the scared masses.  
  
It didn't matter anyway, her purpose wasn't to attend school or to gain an education. No her purpose was something much different than that. She was only here because it was easier for Section Two to keep track of her when the three of them were together.  
  
The school, the class, the time, all of it meant nothing to Rei Ayanami. Rising from her seat when the lunch bell rang, Ayanami moved to leave the classroom. More than likely she would be ignored, it wasn't uncommon for the First Child to disappear in the middle of class. Often she would just walk out in the middle of a lecture and not even be looked at. So why would today be any different?  
  
"Ayanami?" A voice nervously asked, apparently it was. "I was just wondering," The uncertain voice stuttered, "what were you planning to do now."  
  
"I was going to NERV HQ," she spoke in her monotone, "I wanted to get ready for the tests we are having today." Then without missing a beat she moved to leave again.  
  
"I was thinking," hearing the voice speak, she again stopped, "it's going to be a little while before we have to go and I thought that maybe you'd like something to eat before then." Saying this, the boy produced a bag containing food.  
  
"I," the girl stuttered, she had not been offered anything by anyone but 'Him'. To have this young boy offer her anything, even something as miniscule as a lunch seemed to go beyond her entirely. Instinctively the girl turned her head away from him, concealing her reddening cheeks. "That would be acceptable," she spoke almost too quickly, the last words she spoke she did so without even realizing it, "thank you."  
  
"Great then lets-" before he could speak a slim, but powerful hand gripped his wrist. He had planned on just giving her the food and going on his way. It seemed that the hand had other plans.  
  
"Let's go Ikari," Ayanami said without waiting for a response she took him and lead the boy out of the classroom. Unlike most other things involving Rei Ayanami, this did not go unnoticed.  
  
In fact everyone noticed, but really only four people cared. One was so engrossed in his food that he decided to look in to it when he wasn't eating. Another, bespectacled youth, was speechless, in fact all he could do was point and quiver his lower lip. One girl cared, but she was not concerned, what people did outside of her class she could not control, however she would look into the matter when they returned.  
  
Finally the fourth person could do nothing but stare out the door as her lunch sit in her hands with her mouth a jar. This person did not want to care, but events from earlier that day were still fresh in her mind. After the filling breakfast that she had, she planned on rewarding the chef with her presence on the way to school that morning, but he took off.  
  
Then he had somehow created such a wonderful lunch that she was again speechless. Sitting in Asuka Langley Sohryu's hands was a six inch bratwurst covered in sauerkraut, mustard and bread. Next to that was a fresh, moist Bavarian pretzel covered in salt with a packet of mustard next to it. Shinji had gone to such lengths for her that she was willing to forgive this morning's infraction.  
  
However, disappearing with 'Her' was inexcusable. Normally such an act would result in Asuka not speaking to him for a few days before making some insult and expecting things to get back to normal. Today she felt different, today for some reason she felt betrayed. Shinji had gone to such lengths for her that she thought he would at least want to hear her opinion on them.  
  
"Hikari," she cried out, ending the eerie silence, "shouldn't you do something? They can't just walk out can they?"  
  
"Actually," Hikari must have known something about school lunches that she didn't, "they can do pretty much whatever they want until the bell rings." On Hikari's face was an apologetic look.  
  
"Why should you care anyway?" A voice from behind her asked. "it's not like you two are married or anything." She didn't see it, but the hairs on the back of her neck standing on their ends told Asuka that the boy behind her, Touji Suzuhara, was grinning evilly. "Or did you two do something last night that you're not telling us?"  
  
Upon hearing the class' uproar Asuka did not blush, nor did she turn her head. Instead she merely picked up the packet of mustard, opened it and threw it at the offending party, she didn't really like mustard on her pretzel anyway. When the contents splattered on Touji's face the class again laughed uproariously, this time at him.  
  
Feeling a measure of revenge at Suzuhara, Asuka went back to eating her own lunch, but she could not continue. For some reason the thought of Shinji alone with that animated doll chilled her to the bone. What if the pervert was performing unspeakable things to her?  
  
Although she did not much care what happened to the doll, she still could not allow that to happen. If any student could just leave the classroom at lunch time then so could she, "Let's go Hikari," she said as she grabbed her arm, and so could the class rep.

* * *

"Um Ayanami," Shinji was nervous as the girl took him by his hand, "where are we going?" Somehow the strange girl had taken him to the forested area behind the school. The two stopped at a small grassy clearing surrounded by trees, there under a tree at the edge of the clearing Rei sat, forcing Shinji, whose arm was still in her possession, to sit as well.  
  
"This will do fine," she said as she looked around. Somehow there in the green scenery that surrounded them, Rei Ayanami seemed different. Her pale skin almost glowed in the filtering sunlight, her blue hued hair seemed to flow, guided by the gentle breeze that came with the endless summer of Post Second Impact. All this seemed to only draw Shinji further into Ayanami's most noticeable feature, her crimson eyes.  
  
He wasn't sure how long he stared into them, time seemed to stop. If Rei looked like she belonged anywhere it was here among nature. Somewhere in his mind Shinji wondered if he was somehow looking at Ayanami in the wrong light, like somehow he was wrong about everything he knew about her.  
  
"What's wrong," her words seemed to break the spell that Shinji was under, bringing him back to reality, "Ikari?" Shinji widened his eyes as he shook out his head, wondering what kind of spell he was under. "Ikari," Shinji's eyes narrowed, confused, could there really have been a note of concern in her voice, "is something wrong."  
  
"I was just wondering," as he spoke, Shinji felt whatever confidence he had gained that day disappear like steam in a cooling bathroom, "why did you bring me here?" Ayanami looked at him then, her brow slightly knitting as her head turned slightly to it's side. Then she turned away, Shinji wondered if she was not confused herself.  
  
"I don't know," as she spoke Ayanami kept her face from his sight. Something in his mind wondered if maybe she knew about the reputation of this place. It was said that late at night or during lunch couples from the school would come here to... do certain things, things that their parents would probably not permit. More than likely she didn't, Ayanami did not concern herself with such things.  
  
"Well anyway," Shinji spoke trying to break the silence that he felt was awkward, "here's your lunch." Shinji placed the bag in Rei's lap then rose to return to class, he was eager to see himself away from the awkward situation he had placed himself in.  
  
"Where is your lunch?" She asked as her monotone voice returned to normal.  
  
"I didn't have time to make it," Shinji said as he scratched is now itching nose, "it's alright though, one missed meal isn't going to kill me." He wondered why he was explaining himself, normally Ayanami would not be concerned with such things. Then he asked himself why she even asked?  
  
"Sit down," she said as she grabbed his arm again with her odd strength, forcing him to do so. Opening the bag Rei opened the top of the bento box that Shinji gave her. Inside was a vegetable stir fry that excited the normally passive taste buds of Rei Ayanami, next to that was a row of about four rice balls.  
  
It wasn't much, but Shinji could see something in Ayanami's eyes change. he was glad at how the stir fry had turned out the night before, Misato and Asuka both seemed to like it and he had made entirely too much of the stuff. It hadn't occurred to him until he was making Asuka's lunch that morning that Ayanami might like some of it. He had remembered her saying something about not eating meat, and since the stir fry was entirely vegetarian he thought that it might be okay. The rice balls he thought of that morning, thinking that just the stir fry would not be enough of a lunch for her.  
  
"Here," Shinji's eyes widened as he looked in front of him to see Rei offering him some of the food from her own chopsticks, "you should not be so negligent of your own health, now eat." Hesitant wasn't the word for how he felt, more like terrified, however, despite the emotion that overcame him Shinji still took the food from her, feeling watched by multiple eyes as he did so.

* * *

"Asuka," Hikari spoke in a nagging tone, "what are we doing here anyway?" Asuka had dragged the poor class representative with her as she chased down the First and Third Children. Hikari did not understand why though, she knew that Asuka did not despise Shinji as much as she let on at first, Hikari was attuned to these types of things. In the beginning all she really knew was what Asuka and the others had told her, but as time passed she saw more of the boy and somewhere in her mind the image of him being a panty raiding pervert seemed to be further and further from the truth.  
  
"Intelligence gathering," she finally whispered. When they had caught up with Shinji and Rei, Asuka ducked under a large bush and pulled Hikari next to her. It was clear to Hikari that Asuka did not want to be seen, what wasn't clear was why. Did Asuka have feelings that she kept hidden even from Hikari?  
  
"Hey Asuka," Hikari's eyes nervously darted from side to side, making sure that there was no one around them doing what made this place famous, "this is a really bad idea. I think that we should head back."  
  
No words left Asuka's lips then, in the brush Hikari could not even see Asuka's face. The only reason she knew something was going on was by how the Second Child left, quickly. She thought she saw something glimmer from her eyes as she ran off, but she was sure she was mistaken. It wasn't until she herself saw what was going on that she thought she understood. As Hikari Horaki left in search of her friend she saw Shinji Ikari being fed by Rei Ayanami.

* * *

Shinji walked alone to NERV HQ that day, feeling even less comfortable in the presence of the other pilots than usual. When he saw Asuka after lunch she would not even look at him and Ayanami's actions earlier left him dumbfounded.  
  
Somehow he knew that the next eighteen hours of his life would be more awkward than the past few months had been combined. The cross synchronization test he had with Unit Zero, then the over night synchronization he had with his own Evangelion would leave him exhausted both mentally and physically. Shinji thought he could get through this if he did not have to see the other pilots, but that was impossible, Ayanami would be watching the entire time he would be in her Eva, likely Asuka would be listening in again as well.  
  
Sliding his card at the entrance Shinji did his best to prepare himself for the next eighteen hours, at least he could be alone in the bath house when it was over. The bath house was built inside of the building and was specifically for the Eva pilots and made to look like any other public bath house in Japan, there in the hot waters he could relax and try to wash away the scent of blood that seemed to permeate his hands.  
  
As he reached the escalator he saw someone he knew. A woman who was much taller than him, with violet hair and a bright smile. She wore a red flight jacket and a beret, which she normally wore outside. Her violet eyes lit up as she saw him, but his only response was to smile meekly back.   
  
"Hello Misato," he said, "why are you here?"  
  
"Well," Misato laughed as she scratched the side if her head, "I kinda wanted to talk to you about something," she continued noticing she had his full attention, "both Asuka and Rei seem a little strange today, Asuka practically slammed the door to her locker and Rei has a different air about her. I was wondering if maybe you knew something about it, like maybe something that happened at school or something."  
  
"Weird," Shinji repeated as they walked through NERV, "well not that I noticed." It was a weird feeling, lying to Misato, not something he either felt like or wanted to do, but he had no idea what was going on with them either and to tell her what had happened at school would only worry her more.  
  
"By the way," Misato said as she looked over to him, "you were almost late today, that's not like you, could you tell me where you were before you came here?"  
  
"I'd rather not," Shinji said as he looked to the ground, "it's a secret."  
  
"You know I could just have Section Two tell me where you were right?" Misato smiled almost evilly as she said so, "I'd much rather you tell me yourself, but one way or another I will find out."   
  
"Misato," Shinji suddenly stopped his face a mask of seriousness, "I can tell you if you really have to know, but this is something very personal that I'd like to keep to myself, I know that you'll eventually find out, but please let me tell you myself when I'm ready."  
  
Misato did not say a word, she just smiled at him and put a hand on his shoulder. She nodded then, surprised, happy, confused and sad all at the same time. Shinji had just shown her a measure of real strength then and as his guardian Misato felt more pride than she had in a long time.

* * *

When Shinji and Misato entered the control room they could tell that the tests were already beginning. The blonde Doctor Ritsuko Akagi greeted them with a stern look and a clipboard in her hands. There was a saying that she had, one that she never spoke but often expected people to adhere to. That saying was "if you're not fifteen minutes early you're fifteen minutes late", Shinji and Misato were right on time.  
  
The control room was a large white room with a series of consoles that operated in a way that Shinji did not understand. Each consol faced the same direction, in front of them was a large window made of a nearly unbreakable polymer glass alloy, it was behind that window that Unit One in another, larger white room stood.  
  
"You're late," she said as she returned to her clipboard, "I expected you fifteen minutes ago." Without looking at them again the good Doctor reached over her assistant's shoulders and typed something at an unbelievable speed. "I had hoped that you would try not to pick up Major Katsuragi's bad habits Shinji," she sighed, anticipating Misato's answer, "never mind that, Shinji go change into your plugsuit."  
  
"Is Ikari there?" Ayanami asked over the communication system. When her voice was heard a screen appeared with the words sound only written on it, not hearing an answer she continued, "I would like to speak to him soon."  
  
"It will have to wait Rei," Ritsuko spoke, "Shinji needs to get ready for his own tests." Somewhere in the back of her mind, the Doctor made note of Rei Ayanami's odd behavior to report on at a later time. At the moment however she was the only person not to be gaping in awe at the 'Sound only' screen.  
  
"I understand," the screen faded and Dr. Akagi made another note; she still obeyed her orders, for the moment.  
  
"Commence the Second Cross-Synchronization of Unit One and the First Child," when the order was given by Major Katsuragi the multitude of technicians began working on their part of the process, from over her shoulder Dr. Akagi spoke, "You need to change Shinji, your plugsuit isn't going to put you on."  
  
"It's rejecting her," Shinji heard one of the techs speak as reached the control rooms door. It was then that everything went red. The calm atmosphere that was once present melted into a frenzy of activity, all around him Shinji saw nearly panicking technicians try to contain the situation before it got worse.  
  
Then it got worse. Without warning, without authorization, the entry plug ejected. It slammed, full force into the upper corner of the large white room before falling hard to the ground. Somehow without realizing it, Shinji found himself in front of the window pane as the Evangelion gripped it's head with one hand and pressed against the window with it's other. That hand slid away as the Eva fell to it's knees, powerless.  
  
If Shinji had wished for anything at that moment he wished that he could have moved faster. As soon as the gravity of the situation became clear to him he ran out of that control room, determined to make it on time.  
  
To this day Shinji could not recall how he made it to the entry plug, it seemed to him like one moment he was in the control room and the next he was in front of the entry plug, breathing heavily. Steam could be seen floating from the capsule. Did that mean the pilot was being burned alive inside.  
  
Literally tearing his shirt from his body, Shinji wrapped the cloth around his hands, the outer hull of the entry plug would be too hot for him to open the hatch bare-handed. Even so the shirt did little to protect his hands from the heat radiating from the hatch handles. Grimacing in pain the Third Child never the less managed to open the hatch and determine the fate of the young girl inside for himself.  
  
"Ayanami," the boy finally screamed when he opened the hatch, "are you all right, Ayanami?" he breathed a sigh of relief when she looked to him. Maybe she was happy to be alive, maybe she was happy to be conscious or maybe she was just happy to see him. What ever the reason she smiled, as she laid her head back against her seat, Rei Ayanami smiled brightly.  
  
"Ikari," she smiled again and closed her eyes, Shinji's breath warming her face, "you came to see me?" As she spoke her hand found it's way to Ikari's cheek. "I wanted to see you before we began, but Dr. Akagi said I had too-"  
  
"Don't speak," Shinji said as he held the hand that touched his face, "you look tired, I think you should rest a bit." Bringing her head to rest on his bare chest Rei did as she was told. Lifting the oddly light girl into his arms, Shinji carried her to the paramedics that gathered around them when they knew that the Evangelion would not needlessly stir.   
  
"Shinji," Misato called out trying to work her way through the crowd, "are you-" she stopped mid-sentence when she saw him carry out the unconscious Rei and lay her on the emergency gurney. When she saw his face she didn't see the same Shinji she had seen the week before or even that day. This Shinji was somehow stronger than before, his face frowning slightly.  
  
"Misato," Shinji said as the gurney was rolled to the emergency room, "what's the matter?" As he looked over to her, Shinji could see many emotions fight for control. Her eyes seemed happy, but he could see a loss of something in them, what was she feeling then?  
  
"Have you been working out?" She said when she looked at his chest, "maybe running more, because it shows." She wasn't worried about Rei, the doctors had her and she would likely suffer only a concussion this time, but Shinji was different, she currently didn't know how to handle him, he seemed to have changed so much. Thus in her uncertain state she reverted to her main defense mechanism when it came to him, she teased him.  
  
"Actually," Shinji smiled as he stood straight up, "I've been running a lot less lately." Misato smiled, closed her eyes and shook her head, then closing the distance between them, Misato covered his bare shoulders with her jacket. "Thanks," he said as he closed the jacket.  
  
"You should probably head home," Misato said as she turned around, "I'll cancel your's and Rei's over night tests for now, besides I'm sure Ritsuko would like to know why that happened. I'll be staying here with Asuka, I don't think they would want us to cancel her test, so don't wait up for us."  
  
"Then I'll see you tomorrow," Shinji smiled back at her, "bye."  
  
"Shinji," Misato spoke quickly as if he would suddenly fade away, "I just wanted to-" she turned around and reached out to him, hoping he would stay there, "I wanted to-" when her hand reached his shoulder, Misato pulled him into both her arms. "I wanted to say that I'm very proud of you, my Shinji." He stood in that embrace for what seemed like an eternity, accepting her feelings. When she felt his arms hug back she tightened the embrace, lest he disappear entirely. "You go home now," Misato said when she finally let go, "I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"I'll be going now." Shinji said as he looked into her eyes again.  
  
"Have a safe trip." Misato said while hugging herself with her right arm, feeling something had been lost even as something was gained.

* * *

Shinji lay in his bed, awake. He wasn't sure how long ago it was, it was maybe seven hours since then, that he held Ayanami in his arms. He still felt the sensation of her hair against his chest, the way her body was so soft yet so firm, the scent of her hair.  
  
It wasn't the first time he had been that close either, but this time it was so different. He didn't see her in the same light as the last time. Then he didn't have time to think, he just acted, then when the battle was over he just repressed the feelings like he always did.  
  
This night thought, Shinji Ikari did not repress anything. Questions surfaced as feelings changed. How did he feel about Rei Ayanami now that so much time between them had passed? Certainly Ayanami's feelings changed, but how well did he really know her?  
  
Shinji then thought about himself, did he really change as much as Misato's eyes told him? He did feel a little different, but not so much that he felt he would scare someone.  
  
Rolling to his side he decided to handle the events in the morning, maybe some sleep would clear his head. Since he had to go to school anyway tomorrow, he would think about it then.

* * *

Asuka sat in Unit Two's entry plug, she had not seen what happened to the First, but Misato had told her about it while she prepared to enter her Eva. She could not believe that Shinji would do something like that, especially for that animated doll. Still, Misato would have no reason to lie to her, did she?   
  
But Shinji couldn't have had the guts to do something like that. He was a coward and a pervert, as of late he seemed even more cowardly, he would cook what Misato wanted and never even ask her, he would...  
  
"Belgian waffles," Asuka recalled herself saying the night before, "I wish I had real Belgian waffles, with sausage and maybe strawberry or blueberry on the top."   
  
"What did you say Asuka?" He had said as he cooked that vegetable stir fry.  
  
"Shut up," she had snapped loudly, "not like you would care anyway." After saying that Asuka had stormed off into her room, she didn't mean for Shinji to hear her and she didn't want to appear to be so vulnerable then.   
  
"Still," she whispered to herself, no longer in her memories, "I had barely said anything." She recalled specifically that they did not possess either a waffle iron or the ingredients to make them, then there was the bratwurst that she had eaten for lunch. There was no way that they had that in the refrigerator.  
  
"That means..." Shinji had gone out that night and bought both the things he needed for both her breakfast and lunch. Now that she thought about it, she recalled seeing Shinji wearing, that morning, the same thing he wore last night. "Did he even sleep last night?" she asked herself.  
  
It wasn't possible, had Shinji really done so much for her? Had he really gone so far out of his way? Did he really care enough to do so much for her? He had merely given the other what was left from their dinner the night before. However the fact remained that he had eaten with her, Shinji had disappeared that morning and again that afternoon as well. What was he up to?  
  
"Hey Asuka," hearing the familiar voice she brightened up instantly, "you still awake?"  
  
"Kaji?" She said, her mood completely changing, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I came here to check on you," although she could here him she could not see his face which she thought was odd, "Misato tells me that you aren't feeling so well, I thought maybe I could help, so tell me what's wrong."  
  
"I feel fine," She said as she looked away from the screen, "I've just been thinking about a few things." Somehow, no matter how she felt about him, it seemed odd to talk to Kaji about what was going on. It seemed almost wrong, at least that's what her feelings told her.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it," when she didn't say anything he took that as a no, "then how about some advice?" When she still didn't answer he continued to talk, "find out what ever it is that's bothering you and face it down like I know you can."  
  
"Thank you Kaji," Asuka said as she looked down inside her entry plug, "I think I will do that." She would know for certain tomorrow, and then she would decide.

* * *

Shinji had decided to play hooky that day since it was Saturday and a half day anyway. He couldn't sleep last night bringing him to about two straight days without it. So he hadn't slept a wink since then? He was walking through Tokyo-3 as he thought of the same thing he had been since the night before, Ayanami.  
  
Her behavior yesterday was unprecedented, she was almost like a different woman. Shinji thought back to how she had been the last time he had seen her. She was often away doing some kind of tests with his father and Dr. Akagi, it had actually been three days since he had last seen her before yesterday. However at that time she had been the same as she had always been, cold as ice.  
  
"No," he whispered to himself, "Ayanami isn't really cold, more like distant." Yes, if she ever came off as cold it was due to the shared problem that the two had, living. Ayanami seemed so smart sometimes yet others she was like a young child. She knew the inner workings of the Evangelion and was very intelligent and practical, yet she could not fathom someone else caring for her and often did not know how to physically express herself.  
  
Shinji's musings ended abruptly when he found himself inside NERV HQ, had his body led him there as he unconsciously roamed the streets? Had he known he was going there all along? Or was it something else?  
  
Not caring about the circumstances Shinji walked into the building and headed for the medical wing, there he hoped to find Ayanami and confirm her condition. When he last left her, she was in good hands, but something in him obviously wanted to know for himself.  
  
"Rei please," it wasn't long before he heard Dr. Akagi speaking in what was obviously a very agitated voice, "you need to eat something, your body has gone through a lot lately and you need your strength for later."  
  
"No," she spoke strangely, much like the way a young child would, "I refuse." Shinji observed some strange behavior when he arrived then, Ayanami, with same calm that she always had, closed her eyes and turned her head away from a fork with some leafy green vegetable on it. When she opened her eyes again her head was still turned to the side facing the entrance, facing Shinji.  
  
"Hi," Shinji not knowing what else to do waved apprehensively, "I came to see how you were." Shinji thought for a moment he saw a flicker of something in her eyes, a ripple in her eternally calm surface, but as soon as it appeared it was gone.  
  
"Ikari," Ayanami's voice beckoned to him, as she looked away this time to the hands in her lap, "thank you."  
  
Ritsuko repositioned the fork in her hands, but only just barely, had Rei really said what she thought she did? It was impossible, inconceivable even. There was only one person that Rei even tried to open up to, and he was not in the room.  
  
No he was not in that particular room, he was just outside it. He had not seen the flicker of emotion in Rei's eyes or the way she visibly relaxed when she realized Shinji was there. What he had seen did not matter, all that mattered was what he had heard, a simple phrase, one that Rei had never uttered in her life, something she never said, "thank you". Though the Commander's eyes did not show it and nothing appeared physically different, he was scared, things seemed to be developing outside of his scenario.   
  
In this time of near panic, where the future started to show signs of uncertainty there was only one thing he could think of doing. He ran. He did not actually run, but walked away at a very fast pace, still on the inside he ran. He ran away from the situation to the only place he could go to get his head straight, to the one person he could confide in.  
  
"I won't," Ayanami said again, "it's disgusting." Ritsuko could not for the life of her figure out what was going on with the First Child, the food that she held in her hands was no different than the food she always ate, but this time Rei had taken one bite of it and said she didn't like it. That was thirty minutes ago. It wasn't until about ten that Ritsuko had taken the fork in her hand and tried to feed Rei herself.  
  
"Shinji," Ritsuko said in a slightly tired voice, "could you help me with something?" Seeing the piqued look on his face Ritsuko continued, "Would you please eat some of this so that Rei can see it's not that bad?"  
  
"I think so," it didn't seem like an odd request and he had done something like this before, but that was with a six year old. Ayanami was a lot older than that. Biting into the vegetable, cabbage he later learned it was call, he realized it was horrible. Had Ayanami really eaten this often? "It's good," he lied, hoping he would not have to do that again.  
  
"Liar," Ayanami spoke without confidence as she again looked down to her hands.  
  
"Now Rei," Ritsuko spoke like a worn out parent, "why would Shinji lie about that?" Grabbing her head and sighing Ritsuko thought of why she tried such a desperate tactic. When she looked over again she saw the First quietly eating her food as Shinji just stood there. "Good girl," she spoke satisfied, "now be sure to eat all of it." Not waiting for any confirmation Dr. Akagi got up and walked away.  
  
"Ikari," Ayanami put her fork down, "why did you lie to me?" Now that they were alone she did not hide the disgust she felt as she ate. To Shinji the face seemed practiced, like it wasn't the first time she had eaten something that she did not like.  
  
"I-" he had nothing to say in his defense, Ayanami had seen through his lie and won, "well if you knew I lied why did you take a bite? If it tastes so bad why are you still eating it? Is what you normally eat better?"  
  
"No," she seemed downcast, "this is the same thing I always eat." Rei took another mouth full, cringing again as she chewed, "but this is strange, I never paid it much attention until yesterday, until I had your food."  
  
"Ayanami," this couldn't be, it was impossible. That something as simple as a meal could change her so much. "I don't think that it was that good, it was just some leftovers from dinner the night before."  
  
"Still," Ayanami put her fork down, finishing her meal, "when I ate it I felt something of you," Ayanami looked away then, her cheeks threatening to betray her. It wasn't long until she regained control and looked Shinji in the eyes, "if I could feel that again I would eat anything, even meat."  
  
Shinji had recalled before that Ayanami had said she hated the taste of meat. He also recalled being drawn in by those eyes, so much so that he did not see the world around him nor feel the flesh that was at his finger tips. That feeling had returned, now in the face of Ayanami's courage he could do not but her will.  
  
"Will you cook for me again?" It was a simple yes or no question, but one that he felt like running away from. Ayanami's feelings were too strong and he still did not yet know what she really meant to him. However, if this act could help him even a little than he had only one answer.  
  
"Sure," that one word was enough for Rei to show the brightest smile she ever had. It was a smile that warmed his heart and one that she would only show to him. "How about if I make you something for school on Monday?"  
  
"That would be acceptable," when she smiled, she seemed like a different person, her voice reflected that, "I will look forward to it, thank you." She was no longer surprised by how often she said it, not to him anyway. Now Shinji Ikari held a place in her heart, he was more to her today than he was before.

* * *

Shinji wandered out of the hospital wing not long after that. He needed to put some distance between himself and Ayanami in order to get his head straight. He felt that he did his best thinking alone and felt that he owed her that much.  
  
There was still a lot of time before he had to start on dinner and he didn't really feel like going home just yet. There were not many places he could go to at the time though. He didn't feel like being with either Touji or Kensuke so that limited his options some. He could go see the view from the forest or go to see a movie, but neither seemed too appealing.  
  
There was one other place he could go, but he did not feel comfortable going there from NERV. Still he did not feel like going home, it seemed to be such a waste. Sliding his card through the reader, Shinji walked out the exit of the building, alone.  
  
"Hey Shinji," the last voice he expected to hear called out to him, "why are you here, I thought for sure that you'd be in school." She wasn't dressed in anything very fancy, just a yellow sun dress with a gym bag at her shoulder. The girl behind the voice had hair the color of fire, her eyes as blue as ice. Her skin was like cream, flawless and beautiful. In her fiery hair were a pair red pieces of plastic that acted like hair ribbons. Before Shinji would not have really paid attention, but now he could see the slim, athletic figure that the dress clung to. This person was not any one new though, this was the same girl that he had seen every day, the same girl that he lived with, Asuka Langley Sohryu.  
  
"Asuka," Shinji spoke, fighting the blush that was beginning to rise in his cheeks, "I didn't know the tests were over yet." He mentally berated himself, likely Asuka was angry that both he and Rei got out of the extended test while she did it alone. "Um listen," Shinji began feeling his courage wane, "I'm sorry that you had to do those tests alone this time."  
  
"Idiot," she said as she walked up to him, "it's not your fault, your Eva went crazy. It's not like you could have changed anything, it's all in the past now anyway." When she was right in front of him, Asuka flicked her finger and hit Shinji right between the eyes. "Now stop apologizing, it's annoying."  
  
"Right," Shinji said, his confidence gone, "so what are you going to do now? I bet after last night you must be pretty tired." Lifting his head to the sky, Shinji looked away as he rocked back on the heels of his feet, his hands behind his back. "If you want I can walk you home."  
  
"I'm not very tired," Asuka said as she brushed an errant lock of hair from her face, "they let me sleep in the entry plug, the test was to see if I could stay in the Eva for a prolonged period of time, it wasn't really about high scores."  
  
"I see," Shinji said, "well that's nice." Shinji scratched the back of his head as he looked to the ground in concentration, "If you want we can do something together then." Where the Hell did that come from?  
  
"Really," Asuka's eyes gleamed with something that Shinji was unfortunately familiar with, "sure." Somehow, thank God, the look in her eyes disappeared. Taking Shinji's hand in her own she almost dragged the Third Child with her has they left NERV Headquarters.

* * *

They had gone pretty far from the NERV HQ, taken two buses, walked about three miles and even stopped at a convenience store for some food. Yet the whole time, they did one thing. They kept on holding hands.  
  
Shinji wanted to say something, but he also didn't. If she wanted to let go she would. Yet still, why hadn't Asuka let go? Did she even know she was holding his hand? Why did he have to go to the bathroom so badly?  
  
Mostly Shinji was afraid. Afraid that if he said anything Asuka would hate him again. The entire trip Asuka had been quiet, but he could feel no animosity. She seemed like the same girl, more so even. This was the Asuka that he saw only a glimpse of before.  
  
"We're here," Asuka said as she let go of his hand. 'Here' as Asuka put it was a place that Shinji had never been, the Famous Yatouji Traveling Carnival. Normally things like fairs and circus' stay as far away from Tokyo-3 as possible, since the Angels were drawn there, but this one was different, it had been paid a substantial amount of money by the United Nations.  
  
"This is," Shinji took one step forward, forgetting about the bathroom for the moment, "this is where you want to spend the day?" Shinji looked over to Asuka, who seemed to beam proudly, then back to the fair. People from all over the city had clamored to it, there were roller coasters, Ferris wheels, merry-go-rounds and all sorts of other rides and games he had not seen.  
  
"Let's go," Asuka said as she walked through the entrance, "I'm not going to wait for you all day." She looked over her shoulder and her sports bag to see the boy catch up with him.  
  
"Man," Asuka said about twenty minutes after they had entered the fair grounds, "and I really wanted to ride the jet coaster too." People truly had clamored from all over the city to the fair, for now there was a line to do anything, an extremely long, sweaty, packed and almost violent line. Now at the height of the day, every big ride and attraction was occupied and had an hour wait.  
  
"I guess it can't be helped," Shinji said as he looked up at the coaster that was nearly eight stories tall at it's peak, "maybe we should have planned this better." Still Shinji remembered that this wasn't planned, in fact he hadn't heard anything about it until just a few minutes ago.  
  
"Well sorry," Asuka spoke with unfocused anger and frustration that more than a simple carnival ride could create, "you could be a little more grateful that I thought of something, otherwise you'd probably be sitting in you're room pining over that doll right now."   
  
Shinji looked away, he could feel something of his old self then. At that moment his instincts told him to run away, that Asuka would just hurt him more. He tried to fight it, he knew that he had changed, that he was different from the day before, but he could barely think. He felt old emotions and thoughts surface in his mind. He was a coward, a weak person who could not do anything right.  
  
"If you know that." a familiar voice in his mind spoke, "then you can change it." Yes, that was something he had realized not to long ago, with that voice's help. If Shinji was not a worthwhile person then he would become one. No, he would not run, he would move forward.  
  
"Hey Asuka," Shinji said with clenched fists, "why don't we try another attraction and come back when it's not so busy?" Though it may have seemed simple enough, Shinji spoke those words with such a serious look on his face that Asuka was literally taken a back.  
  
"Shinji," Asuka said, gasping. Then the Second Child did something unprecedented, something that Shinji had not seen in all the time he had known her, she laughed. Yes he had heard her laugh before, but this was not the same laugh. That had been the laugh of an almost bitter person, this was the laugh of a normal fourteen year old girl.  
  
"Asuka," Shinji's body relaxed as he almost felt her mirth.  
  
"I'm sorry," Asuka said as she wiped away a tear from her eye, "but it just seemed so silly that I had to laugh. You're right though, we should come back later." Asuka walked off then as if nothing had happened, but Shinji stood there for just a moment longer, recalling the last time Asuka apologized to him.

* * *

Time seemed to almost fly for the two Children, they had played in the carnival that whole day. They had their chance to ride the jet coaster, raced in little cars, played arcade games and in a somewhat ironic twist Asuka had won Shinji a penguin with a bobbing head in a shooting game. Before they realized it, it was night and they were riding the Ferris wheel. They could have gone earlier, but Asuka had said that they were not on a date and that a Ferris wheel ride at sunset was out of the question.  
  
"Hey Shinji," Asuka spoke as the wheel spun them around in a circle, "did you have fun today?" Looking out they could see a forest before them, followed by the lights and retractable buildings of the city. She did not have her answer to her question though, after spending the whole day with him she still did not know why or how he had changed.  
  
"I did," Shinji nodded, looking over the scenery, "maybe we should do this again."  
  
"Idiot," Asuka spoke as she looked down at her hands, "this is the last day of the carnival." Though she was surprised at the gesture, Asuka kept her composure. Shinji had surprised her, somehow he was a lot more fun than she had initially thought.  
  
"Then what about-" as Shinji spoke, the evening sky lit up with color and crackled all around them. Fireworks were going off then, in many different forms. In the changing lights and colors each could see shadows dancing on the face of the other. The fireworks brought to light the faces of the other, the way their shadow danced on the others lips, the way their light played upon the other's eyes, the way their sound drowned out all others.  
  
Neither could speak, but both could feel it. Things were changing between Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sohryu, things were moving forward. Yet neither one knew what they could, much less needed to do at that moment.  
  
"You wait here a moment," Shinji stuttered as he ran away blushing when they got off the ride. Asuka raised her hand to stop him but she could not speak. The power of what had happened just a minute ago on the Ferris wheel had not passed within her. She wanted to be angry, at least then she would not be so confused, but she could not get her head straight. "Here," when Asuka turned around she was presented with a piece of pink fluff on a stick.  
  
"Cotton candy?" She looked at the fluffy pink cloud. She had remembered saying once around him that she liked the stuff a lot, but that had been a long time ago, did he really remember something as small as that? Taking the cotton candy hesitantly Asuka's hand brushed against Shinji's.  
  
Normally such contact is forgotten or unimportant, but to Shinji, who was hesitant to make any kind of contact with anyone, it was like being shocked with a hundred thousand volts of pure electricity. It was like a volcanic eruption. It was many things, but above all others it was warm.  
  
"It's late," Asuka said as she munched on her candy, "we should head home now." Shinji nodded, feeling his vocal cords give out on him. With that the day ended as the two headed to their shared home.

* * *

The trip back to their shared apartment was quiet, awkwardly so. Neither one of them said a word until they had entered the apartment, it was when they were taking their shoes of that Asuka spoke first.  
  
"Um hey," she said sounding not at all like herself, "I was just, no that's not it," she turned around, her back to his face. She was not behaving like herself, she felt that she was stronger than this. "I think," no that wasn't it either, the more she tried to speak the more confused she got. This was angering her horribly.  
  
"I had fun today," Shinji spoke to her back, "even if we can't go back to the fair I hope we can do something like this again." Saying his piece, Shinji walked away, it had been over two days since he had slept any and he was hoping that tonight would be different.  
  
"Shinji," Asuka spoke as her hand grabbed the fabric of his shirt, "thanks for spending the day with me." Pulling more on the fabric, Asuka turned the boy around, then acting without thinking she kissed him on the cheek.  
  
This was not the first time that she had kissed him. When Asuka had last kissed him she at first imagined that it was Kaji she was kissing, then as time passed that image changed to Shinji, but when he broke that kiss she felt betrayed, and hid her emotions. Now as she kissed his cheek, Asuka felt warm and invited, this was not the 'kiss to kill time' it was more like the 'kiss to end time'. When she was done the two walked to their separate bedrooms, again in silence, it wasn't until they were in front of their doors that one spoke again.  
  
"Goodnight," Shinji said with his back turned to Asuka's. Things had again changed, he would probably not sleep tonight either.  
  
"Goodnight," Asuka said, her question still unanswered as several new questions arose from it.

* * *

Shinji was up with the sun the next morning, preparing breakfast. Asuka had not asked for anything specific last night, she was probably thinking about other things and Misato would likely sleep until past noon so he decided to make something a little simpler than the last time. He hoped Asuka didn't mind a simple omelet, but he had something he wanted to do and he needed to leave soon.  
  
Finishing his cooking Shinji left the apartment wearing a blue tee- shirt and blue jeans. It wasn't a school day so he thought it was okay to wear something a bit more colorful. He left a note next to the plate he made for Asuka, hoping she would understand.  
  
No sooner had Shinji walked out the door than Asuka had left her room. When she smelled the food, she went to the kitchen and saw the plate waiting for her. Picking up the note Asuka was surprised to find it written entirely in hiragana:  
  
Asuka,  
  
Sorry I can't be there this morning, I have something I need to take care of. When I get back, let's rent a movie or something.  
  
Shinji  
  
"That," there was no mistaking the handwriting, this was Shinji's, but it still was not like him at all. What made him think that she would wait for him to get back? It was Sunday after all and there were plenty of things she could do. It wasn't like she was going to wait for him all day, she had a life after all.

* * *

It was about one in the afternoon when Shinji came back to the apartment. So far the morning had gone well. He only hoped Asuka was not mad at him for skipping out on her. Still he found himself wondering why she would care, it wasn't like there anything was between them anyway.  
  
"No that's wrong," Shinji said as he walked through the door, "something happened yesterday. I just wish I could under-"  
  
"It's about time," Asuka said as she turned the corner to find him trying to take his shoes off, "what are you doing? We need to head out now." She meant to grab his wrist instead she captured his hand. Though neither one said a word, both could feel it. It was the same electricity that they had felt the night before, the same feeling. "We're going to get a movie right?" Asuka looked at the door, away from Shinji, "You said so in your note."  
  
"I did, didn't I?" Shinji smiled to her back. With no further delay the two head out.

* * *

They didn't hold hands the whole way this time, in fact they stopped when they left the apartment building. They walked together to the video store in silence, it wasn't like the other silences that they had shared, and it was a bit more comfortable. The two of them were on their way to understanding each other better.  
  
As the two walked Shinji kept his hands in his pockets while he looked to the road, his face was a mask of concentration, his mind still confused. Asuka walked straight backed, her eyes every so often glancing over to see his stern expression.  
  
Asuka felt herself to be a master of the direct approach, she could say anything she wanted with out the fear of the consequences. She would live in the present, the things that had happened in the past were done and gone, with no reason to be dug up. Still even with the way she lived her life, there seemed something unapproachable in the way Shinji was behaving lately. Working past her unusual inhibitions Asuka stopped and turned to Shinji, took a deep breath and...  
  
"Ikari," was interrupted by the First Child, "what are you doing here?" They hadn't wandered away from their destination, in fact they were only about two city blocks from their apartment building. If anything it was the First who was out of her neighborhood.  
  
"We were just going to rent a movie," Asuka spoke as she closed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, "not that you should be concerned anyway, after all why would a doll want watch a movie?"  
  
"Ikari," Ayanami spoke, unaffected by the Second's snide remark, "may I join you?" She spoke only to Shinji, almost as if Asuka, or anyone else in the world for that matter, didn't exist. Ayanami looked only to Shinji, seeing only him in front of her.  
  
"Well," Shinji did not know what to do, red eyes looked into his soul while blue ones burned through his skull. On the one hand, if he didn't invite Ayanami then she would probably go back to her decrepit room in the bad part of town. However if he did invite her then he would invite Asuka's wrath and possibly alienate her from him.  
  
Both seemed like world changing options, the philosophy of 'the more the merrier' did not seem to apply to his current situation. Somehow he hoped everything would work out and that he would make the right decision. Going with his first reaction, which Shinji felt was the most pure, Shinji made his decision.  
  
However before he knew it he was standing in the doorway of Baka Yuto's Video Paradise, the local movie store. Somehow all three of them were there together. Shinji looked around, Asuka had no more of a scowl on her face than usual when Ayanami was around, Ayanami herself was looking at videos with her usual expression. Shinji wondered silently what had just happened, but was at the same time grateful that he did not have to go through that particular confrontation.  
  
"You should hurry up and decide on what video you want Shinji," Misato spoke behind him, "Asuka and Rei are almost done."  
  
"Misato," Shinji did his best to hide the surprise he felt then. Thinking rationally Shinji realized that his lack of sleep was affecting his memory, Misato must have pulled up next to them and offered them a ride in her Alpine. That was the only explanation that made sense. Shaking his head Shinji walked into the store to choose his video.

* * *

"That movie didn't make any sense," Asuka spoke when she took the video out of the player, "Whose side was that Kamui guy on again?" Asuka looked at the movie, it was an old film that dated back to nineteen ninety six. The movie was supposed to have something to do with saving the world by not destroying old Tokyo landmarks, however to Asuka it didn't make any sense at all. Then there was the movie's name, why was it called 'X' anyway?  
  
"It wasn't as odd as the movie you chose though," the First spoke, "I still don't understand why that woman seduced a man half her age." Closing her eyes as if to end the conversation, Ayanami took a sip of some earl gray tea that Shinji had made for her.   
  
"There was more to 'the Graduate' than just that once scene," Asuka flipped her hair, and then took out the movie that Shinji chose. Misato had declined to watch the movies with them saying that she had too much work to do. That still didn't stop them from wondering what 'Sailor Moon' was and why she had a stack of the labeled item in her arms.  
  
"So let's watch my movie now," Shinji offered, a trace of his old meekness peeking through.  
  
"What did you get anyway?" Asuka asked as she opened the rental case, "Kamen Rider 555, what's that?"  
  
"It's something I used to watch when I lived with my teacher," Shinji smiled as he spoke, "I think the both of you will enjoy it." Shrugging her shoulders Asuka put the movie in, how bad could it be, she figured.  
  
By the end of the Kamen Rider movie both Asuka and Ayanami were somehow impressed.  
  
"That wasn't so bad," Asuka said as Shinji got off the floor to put the movie away, "the costumes were corny as Hell and I could see people in the monster get-ups a couple of times, but the fight scenes were good."  
  
"I agree," Ayanami said sitting on the couch next to Asuka, "the choreography involved was rather complex and well executed."  
  
"Wasn't it," Asuka looked over to her and smiled. Even as she looked over to the First Child Asuka's mouth opened wider and the right side of her mouth twitched, her pupils shrank and right hand started to shake a little. Straightening herself up in an instant Asuka stood, then without another word she walked away into her room and slammed the sliding door shut.  
  
"Why do you suppose she did that?" Ayanami looked over to the direction of her room, wholly unaffected by the Second's attitude. Shinji could only shake his head.  
  
"I can't believe her," Asuka whispered angrily at the silence of her room, "it'll be a cold day in Hell before I ever agree with Wonder Girl again." For a moment Asuka wondered why she was whispering, she was never this reserved before. Hugging herself to stop from shaking Asuka stood in the middle of her room, looking at the door as if something would magically happen. It did.  
  
"Asuka, "Shinji knocked on her door as he opened it, "I'm coming in." Although Shinji opened the door, he did not cross it. Looking inside Shinji saw Asuka hugging herself with both hands as she looked out the window, at sometime during their movie marathon the sun had begun to set. Bathed in that light Asuka seemed somehow alone, melancholy, vulnerable. Shinji was surprised, though he hid it well, he had never seen her so alone.  
  
"What happened," she asked, looking away, "where's Wonder Girl." It must have been the way the light of the fading sun hit her, combined with the lack of light in her own room, because when she talked she seemed the same as she always was.  
  
"Misato is taking her home, then she said something about late work," Shinji took a step through the doorway, "I was just wondering if you were hungry or anything?" He took another step, then another until he was right next to her. "Maybe we could do something?"  
  
"Do something," Asuka repeated to herself and thought of how late night work probably had something to do with Kaji, straightening herself out Asuka smoothed the wrinkles in her clothes, "there is something I want to do. I'm going to change clothes first, wait outside for me." Nodding, Shinji left as he was told to.  
  
Sitting in the living room Shinji thought more about Asuka and Ayanami. Things were changing, both the girls were opening up to him, they seemed different sometimes. It was getting harder to define the already ambiguous relationships. Ayanami obviously liked him to some extent, he could see that when he looked into her eyes. She was also more relaxed when he was around than before, then today she travels across town, likely to see him. Normally if she hasn't been given some kind of order to do something she wouldn't do anything at all and it was doubtful that anyone ordered her to go see him.  
  
Asuka was more of a mystery, true they did have fun at the carnival yesterday, but it really could have just as easily been someone other than him. Then there was the feeling he got when she touched his hand and the kiss last night. He initiated neither, but he could not have been the only one who felt something.  
  
He hadn't taken much initiative with either of them. All he did was respond to their desires, but it didn't feel right, he cared for them both, but he didn't do anything for either of them.  
  
"No," Shinji shook his head, "this all started because I did something for them." It had, if he had never given Ayanami that food the other day, or if he had never asked Asuka out, then none of this would have ever happened. He was the reason, everything began to move because of something he did. Shinji surprised himself then, he had actually started all of it, but how did it make him feel?  
  
"Okay," Asuka said when she left her room, "I'm ready." She wore a light blue dress that seemed to have been painted in water colors, it made her eyes seem somehow bluer. "What's wrong?" Shinji did not move, he could barely blink, just stare almost blankly at her.  
  
"Pretty," Shinji mumbled low. Truly she was. At that moment Shinji burned that vision of Asuka into his mind forever. Maybe if she had heard him she would have responded, but his comment was too garbled to understand.   
  
"What was that?" Asuka had actually heard him say it, but he did it with no confidence. If he truly meant it she knew he would say it again. He would probably dismiss it and say nothing, Shinji was funny that way. In fact for a while Asuka actually thought he was gay, but after their whole sync training thing she knew otherwise. It was a lost cause though, she knew he would never say it again.  
  
"I said you look pretty," Shinji said looking straight into her eyes. At that moment Asuka Langley Sohryu blinked, but it was more than that. It had been a long time since anyone other than Kaji had made her blush and it took all of her control to keep Shinji from making her do just that. It was just a compliment, she had received many compliments on her appearance, on her piloting Eva. Still, this was the first time she felt someone actually mean it.  
  
"Well," Asuka changed the mood by folding her arms just underneath her chest, "are we going or what?" Since she didn't ask him to change he could guess at a few places they weren't going, so what did Asuka have in mind? Shaking out some cobwebs from his mind, he decided that there was only one way to find out.

* * *

"Now an arcade?" Shinji said when they reached their destination. Shinji had walked pass the Kusanagi Gameroom many time since he had come to Tokyo-3, Touji and Kensuke had been trying to get him to come there ever since they had become his friends. He saw the crowds there once and decided against it though. He still didn't like crowds, but he knew that this was a good opportunity to decide his feelings.  
  
"Relax," Asuka told him as they entered, "at this time of night the crowds are thin, you shouldn't have anything to worry about." Though there were people at the arcade there weren't enough to bother Shinji. Looking at the schedule sign as they entered he could see that they had about an hour left before closing, that seemed like enough time.  
  
Looking around Shinji saw a great variety of games, there were fighting games, shooting games, old pinball machines, claw grabber games with many different and some strange prizes to be had, there were racing games and dancing and even a few pachinko machines. The lighting wasn't anything strange like at the carnival, Shinji got the feeling that this arcade was for 'professional' gamers.  
  
"I've got something I need to do," Asuka said, distracted, "you'll be okay here by yourself for a minute right?" Not waiting for an answer Asuka wandered off into the arcade. Now Shinji was alone in the seemingly increasingly crowded area.  
  
He needed to do something, anything to take his mind off things. Not realizing it Shinji made his way to the exit. There before deciding to make a run for it, he saw something. It was a prize in the claw grabber machine, it didn't seem like much but when he looked at it he immediately thought of Asuka. He thought she would like it, looking in his pockets he found about fifty yen, just enough to play the game once. He hoped that it would be enough.  
  
Putting his money in the machine Shinji was determined to win. When the game registered the coins lights and sounds blasted to life along with the claw. Positioning the claw over the desired item Shinji pressed the release button. It caught it. Shinji held his breath as the prize was carried to the drop point and nearly jumped when the prize came loose from the claw. When Shinji held the item in his hands he breathed a sigh of relief. Putting it in his pocket Shinji decided to give Asuka the toy when they got home.  
  
It was a good thing to as Asuka was fast approaching him.  
  
"What are you doing?" Asuka said behind him. Her voice was like a thunderclap in the silence of Shinji's world. "Really," dismissing Shinji's behavior she said, "come on, there's not much time left before we have to leave."  
  
For the second time in as many days Asuka and Shinji had fun together, however this time there were no fireworks, of any kind. The two merely enjoyed each other's company. It seemed to Shinji that it was happening more and more, it seemed like things were getting better since then. If indeed they were, he had owed it all to one event.

* * *

When they were done, Shinji and Asuka enjoyed a companionable silence back from the arcade. Over the course of the night Shinji would often put his hand in his pocket, making sure it was still there. Asuka would look up at the sky every so often, one could not see stars from a city the size of Tokyo-3, but Asuka took comfort in that fact.  
  
It wasn't until they were again at the door to their apartment that Shinji spoke again. He had debated whether or not to give her the present the entire time. Part of him told him it was a bad idea, but this was also the same part that told him not to go then too.  
  
"Hey Asuka," Shinji said, digging into his pockets again, "I got this for you at the arcade." Removing the item from his pocket Shinji produced a small rag doll. It's hair was made from red string that twisted around, it's eyes were made of buttons and it's complexion was similar to Asuka's.  
  
"Th-thank you," Asuka's breath shuttered, as a quivering hand moved to take the doll. She fought to maintain her composure as she took the doll and rushed to her room.  
  
When she was alone her emotions exploded, she had fought for many long years to forget her past, had suppressed all of her memories. However memories are strange things, they could be triggered by the senses very easily. Whether it be a smell, a sound or a sight. Yes Asuka had seen this exact doll before, her mother had one just like it right before she...  
  
Silently a tear fell from her cheek, then another, until a torrent flood from her eyes. One by one the memories surfaced, quicker and quicker until she could take no more. It was then that her sorrow turned to anger. First she ripped the doll to shreds, then she tore apart some magazines, her voice started out as a harsh whisper which turned to ragged sobs, which then turned to anguished screams. Pounding on something she did not know Asuka's tormented screams continued, she had long ago lost sight and focus. Now she cried uncontrollably, the emotions controlling her.  
  
It wasn't until some time later that Asuka knew what it was exactly that she was pounding on, it wasn't until she felt warm arms envelope her that she became more aware of herself. She tried to fight the arms but it was no use, her energy was spent as she could do no more.  
  
Part of her mind screamed that she did not need anyone, that she could live alone. It reminded her that she didn't want anyone, not the First, not Misato, not Kaji or Shinji. What good could he do anyway, he would barely look at her, he wouldn't even hold her. Still her body told her that she did need him, that he understood her because he was just like her. It told her that he would hold her. It told her that he did.  
  
When the tears stopped and her vision cleared, Asuka could see Shinji's neck, his shirt. More importantly she could feel his warmth, this caused the tears to flow again. Now with the worst of it past her, Asuka felt her strength drain until she became limp in his hands.  
  
When Shinji heard the ruckus going on in Asuka's room he wanted to go into his room, put his pillow over his head and hope that it would pass on it's own. Yet he didn't, instead he faced her in her rage and embraced her. When she went limp Shinji carried her back to her room and placed her in her bed.  
  
He wanted to leave her alone and get some sleep himself, but when he moved to leave Asuka's body could almost sense it and started to thrash about. So he sat up in her bed, looking at Asuka, who slept in his lap, and realized that this would be another night without sleep. How many? He could not remember, but if that was what it took then Shinji felt it was a small price to pay.

* * *

A little while after the sun rose Asuka settled enough that Shinji was able to leave and start on their breakfast. Still in the events of last night Shinji remembered his promise to Ayanami. It was hard for him though, he did not know many dishes that had no meat what-so-ever. Eventually he found something though.  
  
He could not remember if they had any homework from Saturday and no one had come by to give him any handouts. He had played hooky on Saturday, it was a half day anyway so he didn't feel very guilty about it, and he had the sync test to cover him.  
  
"Shinji," a tired voice broke his mundane musings, "about last night. I just-"  
  
"It's all right," Shinji smiled in his own way, "what ever happened I'll help you through it." Putting a third box in his bag Shinji looked to Asuka. She was a mess, her eyes were puffy and her hair was frazzled. This was not the Asuka Langley Sohryu that he was used to seeing, yet she seemed more real than ever.  
  
"I'm going to get ready for school," when her back was turned to him she said, "You'll walk with me won't you?" Asuka's walls had finally broken down, her armor destroyed by a memory and Shinji. Now she would have to rebuild herself, with one of her core truths destroyed. She recalled specifically, if nothing else, Shinji holding her.  
  
"I'll be waiting." was his reply. Deep down she knew he would be, and for the moment that was enough.

* * *

Asuka did not spend a lot of time with her ritual that morning, she wanted to finish as quickly as possible and return to the presence that warmed her. She did not want to be alone anymore, or ever again. Shinji had proven himself to her many times over in that one instant. Asuka felt that she could forget about everything and truly be herself for the first time in a long time. She could move beyond her past, with him.  
  
"Hmp," she sighed, "that idiot?" he had done nothing but surprise her for the past three days. He had shown himself to be as strong as Misato had always said he could be, if not stronger. He had opened himself up to her and she in turn did the same.  
  
Asuka dried her body in the bathroom and for the first time did not lament over her hair. No there were more important things to concern herself with than that.

* * *

The two of them walked again in silence that morning, yet for Asuka there was something uncomfortable in that silence. She found herself looking at Shinji's hand, found herself moving to touch it only to move away at the last instant. She felt that she was stronger than that, but after the night before she knew that Shinji could see past that to the scared girl that she hid.  
  
Shinji had seen that, maybe he always could. However it wasn't until last night that he acted and Asuka realized that she wanted him to act. She had said that she could live without anyone, that she needed only herself, but now she knew that was too lonely, now she did not want to be alone anymore.

* * *

"Ayanami," Shinji smiled brightly at the pale girl when the lunch bell rang, "here, I made you a lunch today." Lifting a mug from his bag, Shinji presented the offering to her, hoping that she would like it. "I didn't know what you'd like so I made you some garlic ramen, is that okay."  
  
"Yes thank you," there was something there, a sparkle that only Shinji could see. He thought it was like something a little sister would look like when she got to play with her big brother.  
  
"Little sister," Shinji whispered to himself as he realized something. Soon afterwards the room started to spin and he found that he could not support his legs any longer. Falling to the ground Shinji's mind fixed on one point. Then just before everything became clear, everything went black.  
  
When Shinji opened his eyes again, he found himself underneath a familiar ceiling. White walls surrounded him, as he heard about a doctor needed in the pediatric ward. His blurry eyes soon focused on the female form beside him. It wasn't Asuka or even Rei at that moment, no it was Misato sitting there next to him with a pleasant smile on her face.  
  
"I'm glad," she heaved a sigh of relief, "You've been out for nearly seventeen hours." Seeing his face confused Misato elaborated as she tried to gently keep Shinji from sitting up. "The doctors say that you haven't eaten anything, drank anything or slept in at least three days. You panicked your entire class when you passed out," smiling devilishly Misato continued, "If Rei and Asuka hadn't carried you to the nurse you could have been in even more serious danger."  
  
"So that's what happened." Shinji barely heard Misato, for now that he was rested he thought more clearly, the events of the past four days played out in his mind like they had been a whole lifetime. Yet even now his resolved stayed the same, now if he could only find Rei. "Misato," Shinji said resting on his elbows, "where are they?"  
  
"Outside," Misato said getting up from her chair, "I'll go get them." When the door opened only Rei walked through the door, Asuka must have been somewhere else.  
  
"Ikari," Rei said as she looked into his eyes, "are you all right now? Have you decided?" Of course Rei knew, there were few things that she didn't, she must have known Shinji thought about what was going on. Yet despite her knowledge she did not know what he would say next.  
  
"Rei," Shinji surprised her a little by calling her by her given name, "I know how you feel and I've given this a lot of thought..." Shinji hope that he would say the right thing, "I do care for you, a lot, but when I look at you I feel like we've already got some kind of bond. Sometimes," Shinji lift his hand and placed it over Rei's "I feel like you and I are related. So I want to keep thinking that."  
  
"What do you mean Ikari?" Although Rei Ayanami had some feeling or intuition regarding Shinji she honestly did not know what he meant.  
  
"Call me Shinji," he smiled, "I'm sorry if I'm saying the wrong thing but when I think of you I think of you as family, like my little sister. I don't know if that is the answer you want but it's the truth."  
  
"Shinji," Rei's eyes were deftly serious, there was an edge in her voice but nothing malicious, "Is that what you want?" Looking deeper she could tell that it was, "I see, well that's good for you." Getting up Rei headed for the exit, looking over to Shinji she smiled and said "see you later, Big Brother." Hearing that Shinji smiled inward, coming from Rei it seemed only one thing, right.  
  
It wasn't until a few minutes later that Asuka entered Shinji's hospital room, she was breathing heavy and minute beads of sweat glistened of her brow. She seemed so natural then, so real. In her eyes he could still see the traces of the other night when he held her, he could feel his body calling out to her's, wanting to be closer.  
  
"Asuka I-" Shinji never finished the words that were months in the making, Asuka could not wait.  
  
"I love you, damnit." Asuka clenched both her eyes and fists as she said so. "You stupid jerk I love you. You're a horrible little pervert, who sneaks a peek at me at every possible opportunity and a spineless wimp with no redeeming qualities what so ever, but I love you." Every word seemed more desperate, more afraid than the last. Asuka spoke as if Shinji were mere smoke flittering away in the wind, like he would disappear before she could say it.  
  
"I'm not sorry," Shinji said as he sat all the way up, moving his hand to her Shinji placed his palm on her face, Asuka did not resist. In fact she brought both hands over his. "I'm not sorry that I love you. You showed me a part of yourself that you kept hidden from everyone, including yourself. I'm grateful for that but not sorry." Guiding Asuka with his hand Shinji brought Asuka's face close enough to his own that she was tickled by his breath again.  
  
"That was a pretty lame confession," she laughed as his breath continued to tickle her again, "but I think I can look past it." Slowly, as if testing the waters, the two kissed. It was in that moment that Shinji learned something new of Asuka. He learned where her softness lies.

* * *

It was about two days after Shinji had left the hospital that the two found themselves in another hospital. This one wasn't nearly as advanced as NERV's central hospital, but that didn't really matter, in about two days Shinji would stop coming to this hospital all together. By pulling as many strings as he could find Shinji had arranged for a certain patient to get moved to the NERV hospital. This was the person who had given him the strength he needed to go on, the one who made him feel like he could be someone worthwhile. All she had to do was tell him that he couldn't pilot Eva forever, she had told him that if he knew that he was a weak coward then he could change that.  
  
"Hello," Shinji smiled brightly at the second grade girl that sat in the white hospital bed, this was the person that had spurred Shinji onward and someone Asuka would meet that day, this was the little sister to one of his close friends, this was Kana Suzuhara.  
  
-fin  
  
A/N: that took me over a month and a half to write. Clocking in at about twenty two pages and god only knows how many words I think this story it the best piece of Evangelion fan fiction I've ever written. What did you, the reader, think about it? I'm anxiously awaiting your opinion.  
  
Ryuhikohotmail.com 


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